 |
| Well, hello old friend hello.... |
I want to start by saying today is a good day…..there is no
specific reason apart that I feel mentally in a fabulous place. I feel young at
heart, happy, slender and actually attractive for the first time in years. It is
purely a mental attitude because let’s be frank, I haven’t changed physically,
lost stones of weight or had a body/face transplant. But I feel good…..
A huge change in my life recently was taking up driving
again. The change in both my own and other people’s demeanor is amazing. After cheekily waving my hand at a driver who
let me go I realised why we had changed. For me it was because behind a wheel people
cannot see you that you are ill or disabled, especially when driving a flash
car like mine. They immediately treat you differently because they are unable
to see that you are different. We all like to think we are accepting and that
we live the word Diversity but our make up means we spot differences before our
brain takes the direction we want it to take. My new confidence is contagious
and I enjoy sweeping everyone up in it. Don’t get me wrong I still have my bad
days but I try not to let them effect me too much.
I am also starting to look like the old Sarah. With my steroids being
reduced my face and body are starting to return to their natural form. The
effect of this must not be underestimated. I can now walk past a mirror and
actually recognise the person looking back at me. “Hello Sarah, where the hell have
you been? I have missed you”. High doses of steroids have the knack of drawing
every bit of femininity out of a woman and when they are banished you welcome back
the woman in you with a huge embrace. It is hard to understand but ask any
woman who has been in my position and they will nod their head in agreement
most vigorously.
My new motor is fabulous and I think it definitely suits my
personality with the vibrant colour and cheeky ability to pull away from the
lights…. For all you petrolheads out there, it is a Citroën DS3 Sport and
heaven to drive. Even Boo is impressed, this is the girl who was still in mourning
for the Mini….
Healthwise my life isn’t so perfect. Unfortunately we have found out that my
antibodies are increasing at the rate of doubling each month. This has a
profound effect on me. I am much more tired than normal. The attacks have ramped
up again and I am partying with my friends in green every 3 days. As usual I refuse
to give in and continue as nothing is happening. I have been urgently referred
for more Plasma Exchange Therapy. So once again I will be intimate with my machine
Optimus Prime. The PICC line is to be
replaced with a portacath in my chest; no longer will I have to worry about offending
people with the bung hanging from my arm and the need to clingfilm up my entire
arm before showering will be a thing of the past ..Yippee!
We are now officially into Autumn and the newspapers are
full of dire warnings of record breaking snowfall and plummeting temperatures. The
A&E department is already showing signs of the forthcoming seasons. It is full
to the brim with more and more patients trying to get in. I can’t say it enough…..our
hospital s and their staff deserve medals….they are all pushed to the limits but
still treat everyone with respect and patience. I honestly do not think I would
be as sane as I am without them. Mark and my dad take it in turns to meet me up
there. Sometimes Boo has to join them but we try not to keep dragging her in. All
the consultants ask after her lol… it is like she is their little mascot. I am
blessed with those who are always there for me and happy with those who are
not. I always find it amazing that people are quick to judge us when they
cannot possible comprehend how difficult life can be. Some are incensed I am
happy and managing to still keep my head above water but as the saying goes “there
is nowt as queer as folk”
 |
| good times |
With all that said, I love this time of year. It promises so
much. The fun events are still to come. Local shops already have the Halloween
toys and sweets on display and posters promoting the best ever Guy Fawkes night
with huge explosions of colour. I am already looking at recipes for pumpkin
soup and catherine wheel sausages
with gunpowder potatoes. I always wait
with anticipation, as the nights draw in, for the need of lamplight, the smell
of chimneys releasing their fire embers, slow cookers bubbling as you walk in
from work and the coat pegs covered in multicoloured scarves and gloves. It reminds
of the times past when my twin brother, Simon, and I used to make a guy out of old
clothes and straw then spend the cold afternoons outside the corner shop asking
for a penny for the guy. The buildup of excitement for November 5th was incredible when
all the children used to wait impatiently for the single rocket to be placed
into the milk bottle before it whooshed up into the cold night air. The bonfire
with silver wrapped potatoes to accompany the sausages burning hot in our
hands…for all of you of a certain age I defy you not to remember those times
with warmth.
Looking forward times may get a little tougher but with the
feeling of momentum at the moment I am confident that we will forge onwards and
upwards. I am sure there will be days when it is best to give me a wide berth but
fingers crossed those days will be few and far between.
 |
| My sister in crime |
Thank you to all of those who stand by me..you know who you
are…. The lows will be low but the highs will be incredibly high x
My next post will be dependent on my treatment and
admissions but hopefully I will be in touch really soon…
So in short; I am happy, ill but looking forward to winter… J
