High Spirits with Even Higher Heels

Out with the work gals

Over the past few months I have had a lot of time to reflect on what has happened since September last year. I have had differing highs and lows but through my own self will and the support of those around me I have managed to retain my common sense and move along with each day.

The title above is a reflection of how I am currently feeling. I have now realised it is time to move on……

It all started at my friend’s, Pip, 40^th birthday where I was meeting a lot of colleagues for the first time since falling ill. I had planned the day meticulously but in my usual fashion, changed everything at the last minute and was flying by the seat of my pants. Seeing my friends and colleagues again has given me an extra incentive to get back out in the world as I am. I think I have been waiting for the old Sarah to return but I could be waiting for a very long time whilst life is passing me by. You have to consider the fact that when ill with a long term illness days slip into weeks and weeks into months until one day you realise that a year has passed. I am worryingly near my anniversary and intend to get some form of normality back before the day arrives.

I found a really good website regarding this subject matter.  The research was answered by people with MS but is it the same for any chronic illness. The title is "Moving On - The Transition to Living Well with a Chronic Illness". They have concentrated on the following seven themes;

1. knowing one's responses to illness;
2. developing inner conviction;
3. refraining from making comparisons;
4. prioritising what is important;
5. sharing stories with others;
6. awareness of shifting one's self identity;
7. in tune with the process of learning.

It is genuinely worth a visit to the site. They are all relevent points but I can particuarly relate to number 6. As a woman you are very aware of your identity and how it is viewed by others. This can have a direct impact on your confidence so establishing comfort within the “new you” is paramount to being successful in reintergratng back into your old world.

The poem below was penned by one of the group and it is exactly how I feel when facing limitations with my own body.

A changing body

I know I am staring and at risk of rudeness
But today again in the mall
My eyes are drawn to a group of women
Perhaps twenty years older than my forty three
Intently I watch as they walk arm in arm
Their limbs moving freely with strength
No falter in their step, no stagger in their gait
No hint of pain on their faces as they laugh and talk and enjoy...
I remember and feel the confidence of movement
In my own dance through life prior to MS
The joy and the pride I felt in a strong fit body
That is now a prison of pain and discomfort

The website address is www.mstrust.org.uk/professionals/.../10032006_03.jsp -

So how has all of this effected me and my family. Well, we are all very excited that things maybe changing. Not through medication or medical help but by us having a date in mind for the beginning of a new chapter. The children have even been bragging to the neighbours that Mummy is going back to work. They need this as much as I do.

So why the title, “High Spirits with Even Higher Heels”? For me part of the process of moving on is how I present myself. With a chronic illness, especially one with the sudden onset like mine, you can present differently with each stage of illness and subsequent management. I have ranged from nightwear and tracksuits to party wear and high heels. I suppose I can measure my illness from my attitude and attire. This all seems very superficial but you use whatever can to help you through the hard times. For those who know me I am very particular about the way I present myself, I know I am a control freak, but this is helping me organise my thoughts on how I can move forward. My spirits are high and my heels are going to be even higher. I recently told someone they would need a health warning!!!!

My personal note

Well, for you who have children you are fully aware that we are in the middle of the summer holidays. I have children running in and out of the house creating chaos from morning til night. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Once again I have been extremely lucky with my friends who have taken Boo out on their days out to the beach, farms, restaurants and other places where she covers herself in a very healthy layer of dirt. As Jake is older he is independently out and about with his own friends. The fact that he has grown up so quickly reminds me that both children have taken on a role this year that I would not necessarily have chosen for them. Recently someone picked me up on the fact that Jake was at a local supermarket, to which I replied if they would like to drive him to get some groceries then feel free…how quickly people either forget or didn’t understand in the first place.

Health wise I am still changing my meds and fingers crossed the management will be easier as time goes on. The steroids are now effecting me but I am determined to beat the bullet and keep the weight off. Many thanks to Jax for this, as she keeps me going on a rather boring diet J  I have spent a lot of time indoors as the sun is much stronger at the moment at this time of year regardless of cloud amounts. Factor 50 is my best friend rain or shine!

Our attention has been taken up with the numerous events taking place within the UK. From strange danger alerts to riots… Rumours and facts blend into one but the day passes more quickly with the never ending news reports that go hand in hand with this sort of thing.

Right, I only have 7 weeks to get my new image in place so must dash to sort out my wardrobe in time and obviously compile a new shopping list, I mustn't forget to adjust the height of my cane in line with my killer shoes J

Until next time

Sarah ©