Do You See the Real Me Standing Before You?



It's still me, look into my eyes



WARNING ALERT...RANTING…WARNING ALERT 

Well the day I have been longing for came and went. The “Great return to Work”…..

For you to appreciate this post you need to understand the driver that was behind my never ending efforts to get back to work. My goal was to quite simply to return to my place of employment, or so you thought......

In my mind, I visualised me driving, walking in my high heels, suited and booted, managing a team of advisors and engaging in my usual banter with colleagues all over the building……erm, not quite.

So how was it? The first day I was just so pleased to be back that I was quite literally on cloud nine. I picked a black outfit out and packed my satchel…it was like the first day at school. My first meeting was great and I was thrust into what was happening and what was coming up…….BRILLIANT!!!  

But after four days of being back certain concerns started to creep in…..

Don’t get me wrong I am still overjoyed to be back amongst the land of living and to see my friends who have given me such a warm reception. It has been truly lovely but yes, they are still some concerns….

I seemed to have transformed into Sarah Hill, the one with an illness. I was expecting some to be embarrassed, insensitive or just plain old ignorant but this turn of events has taken me by surprise. At what point did I lose my identity and become a lesser person than I used to be? It is as if people are unable to look past the HUVs and see me. I am not talking about the H&S requirements; I know they are there to keep me safe; it is the general attitude of some people. I want to scream at the top of my voice.

"Your IQ, mental ability or professionalism is not directly linked to what your body physically can or cannot do”

Maybe I am being unfair and not allowing people time to adjust, I have, after all, had over a year to get used to this new way of life. It can be a shock for people when they first see me but I’m not sure that it is a good enough excuse?

My intention is not to upset, certain people have been absolutely brilliant by treating me exactly as they always have, but to explain that just because someone is different on the outside it does not mean their personality has changed too.

If people took the time to speak to me they would quickly realise that I still have the biting humour and a wit that can cut the air like a knife J

So, back to my original paragraph about returning to work. The realisation that my continual hard fight to get back was not going to turn out as I had expected, has been quite hard to handle. This has had a profound effect on me. Mark and I have had long conversations and calmly come to the conclusion that this could be as good as it gets and we will have to live with that.

On the very, very positive plus side I have a husband who is soooooo supportive and willing to scramble with, or should I say push, me up every hill that life throws at us.J

This is quite unusual for me and I need you to know that I am not giving up, sad or angry. I just need others to grasp the fact that they need to see further than what is in front of them. Normal service will be resumed next time with witty and humourous comments about me and those around me.....

I am going to end this post with a simple request… if you see me or others who are physically impaired and you feel uncomfortable about starting a conversation, please take a breath before you say something and imagine how you would like to be spoken to……

Thank you

Sarah©