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| Me, the dog and a kid named Boo |
It was pointed out to me today that I hadn’t posted for a while. I know that it has been a bit sparse in 2013 so as today we reached March I thought I would put thought to paper and update you all on what has been happening in the world of the Hills……
This month has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Sitting here on the sofa in the lamplight as the night draws in I know I look I happy and comfortable.. But I am fully aware that at any time I could be removed from my warm snugness into the cold, fast moving other side of my life which is lit by harsh lighting and painful procedures. It is like my life is a coin that can be thrown up into the air and fate decided on any given day which side the coin will fall.
Don’t get me wrong my days are still driven by humour…..laughing with the paramedics whilst they steal my tattoo plasters, kindly donated by Wilma, for the own children to sitting in the naughty corner of the local slimming class giggling with my fellow conspirators, acting like children. It is this sort of thing that gets me through the darker times, knowing that out of the slide down there is a movement upwards towards happier moments, and if I cant make it on my own I know that I have people who will throw down a rope, Hell! they would throw down their hair, to help ascend the other side.
The other thing I have noticed is the need for a focus. I know that even from childhood if I have made up my mind to do something I will focus until I have achieved it. One of the things that has effected me the most since falling ill is my lack of independence. It is extremely frustrating to have to rely on everyone to get you out of the house and you often morning to regain some independence by getting my little black mobility scooter out and use it to get home from the not so local hospital to my home. It was a cold grey day and the rain had just started to fall. the fine rain that sits on your coat like a mist that shrouds you into an almost secret world as you move along the street. I made it down to the seafront and the bite of the cold started to hit. Making my way along the promenade I made time to look at the old pier standing alone and grey out in the sea, a sad old relative to the flash cheaper version further along the road. Moving past the meeting place café I realised that I could now arrange to meet my friends here rather than ask for them to deliver me. Joggers and cyclists moved past me deep in thought missing the wonderful Peace Statue and Queen Victoria, whose dignity has once again been restored thanks to the removal of the old blue pants from her head.
Up through the shopping streets I meandered in and out of local shops, taking my time. It is easy to take time on the scooter as everyone seems to think it is invisible and therefore don’t see it until they are sitting in your lap.
It took me two hours before I reached my front door and by that time I couldn’t feel my toes or fingers but I had the biggest grin on my face…I had done it!!!! I had, on my own without help, managed a long trek and enjoyed every wet cold minute. To herald my return the sun decided to shine on me for the last five minutes which made my grin even bigger.
I have found another focus in the past few months and it is
Basically BAKING !!!!
I seem to have, quite late in life, found that I enjoy baking. I’m not very good at it but get a sense of calm and achievement when baking a cake. I have now been called a “feeder” in the office and have looks of disappointment from my colleagues if I do not enter the office with a chocolate cake under my arm.
Don’t get me wrong I am no Delia Smith and use every time and energy saving electric gadget I can get my hands on. I am totally in love with my cake mixer and can often be seen patting it as I toddle past.
Every weekend I set myself the task of baking something new and challenging myself to be confident enough to come slightly of recipe to make something original. The irony is that I am not allowed to eat the cakes I make. DOH!!!
So what has my baking got to do with how I manage my condition…I set my self challenges in my everyday life to get me by and enhance the quality of my life. If you have followed my Blog for sometime you know have lost that drive over a period of time. My latest challenge is to find the feisty old Sarah and reintroduce her to the world. I am sure that I will have company who will be fishing in the wardrobes for their killer heels to join me.
Below are some points to consider if you are considering a goal or challenge to help you focus your way through what can be challenging times.
Focus on your strengths.
Focus on solving problems.
Focus on the future instead of reviewing hurts from the past.
Focus on your life instead of your illness.
As you work on your recovery, you might want to write down some of your main goals. These goals can be short-term and easily achievable, or you can start identifying bigger, more long-term goals that you want to work your way towards. It's helpful to think of small steps to take toward them over a certain amount of time, like a week or a month. Remember to congratulate yourself for any successes. Achieving goals - even small ones - is a sign of hope and accomplishment.
Developing goals for recovery can be tricky, especially if you aren't sure what it is that you want to accomplish. Consider your interests, things that bring you joy and things that keep you motivated. Also, think about the things you want, like where you want your life to go or what you would do more of if you could. Having a deep investment in the goals that you set will increase the chances of completing them. Once you have set goals for yourself, you need to figure out what things are necessary to accomplish those goals. Be clear about why you set this goal and how your life will be different once this goal is achieved. You should also consider the strengths and skills that you possess that will help you achieve your goal. Try to involve necessary support systems and resources that can help you through the process if and when you need it. Finally, remember to stay focused on the goal and not on the difficulties you might be having. Keep an open mind, and know that you may hit barriers along the way. Recovery is no easy task, and focusing on the negative experiences will only make things harder.
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| Part of the gang |
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| Grimesy doing her stuff |
Health up date
We are trying new treatments in the form of upping the amounts. This hasn’t been done before so we have had to approach the medical board for permission and funding. Unfortunately it was knocked back but we are not ones to give up. Prof has more information and we have gone back to the board to see if they will give us the go ahead with our second request. I have seen a variety of consultants and Mark and I are due to see other specialist on March 22nd. Mark and I will prepare our questions and see what happens.
I am still a frequent flyer in A&E and the fabulous staff greet me like an old friend. Thank goodness they are so kind as it makes it much easier trawling up there…
In a nutshell things are as hectic as always. The house is full of children, football boots, dogs, other people’s children, mud, more football paraphernalia, and the odd paramedic. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my home life and the normality it allows me in my unusual world.
so remember, if you see a woman with blonde wild curly hair on a little black mobility scooter, dressed like a little Eskimo, wave as it may be me motoring along at the grand speed of 4 mph and loving every second.
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| My little black number |
Until next time my friends
Sarah xxx
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