Standing at the Crossroads

Boo's New Bonce

 2012 So Far
I am sitting on my sofa typing and periodically looking out of the window wondering where the past 4 weeks have gone. We know that Spring is on it’s way but with the grey days stretching out in front of us, like the sea view on a cloudy afternoon, you can be forgiven for forgetting that there are bulbs of colour just waiting for the right time to pop through the wet mud and show their beauty. This time of year always feel like an airport lounge. Sitting, waiting and knowing that you are about to embark on a journey but not quite yet. I am sure that our boarding gate will be called soon but in the meantime snuggle up on the sofa with hot mugs of drink and relax in the knowledge that the lawn doesn’t need mowing every week J


The CrossroadsSometimes in life you face a crossroads that makes you stop and think. Should you go left, right or carry straight on. The easier option is not always the best even if it is the most comfortable. From history, we know that the greatest achievements have come to fruition after people have chosen the more difficult route.
Before Christmas I decided to forge ahead with my treatment and have a form of chemotherapy. It is not used on my condition and we had to get special permission but we, Mark, Me and my consultant, thought it was worth the possible risks. Well, the funding was given and after today the appointments have been confirmed. When you are about to jump into the breech your courage can be tested. In previous posts I have spoken of trusting your consultants and doctors to make the right decisions. I can safely say that without that commitment I wouldn't be able to face what might or might not be.
I found a poem by the French philosopher Gulliaume Apollinaire that highlights the need to sometimes put your trust in someone else even though you maybe unsure

“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We're afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them. 
And they flew.

I am hoping that I get a great birds eye view....
　
The GangWell the Hill household has managed to get back to normal very quickly. The school term started with the usual frantic rushing around. Books, ties and odd shoes had all suspiciously managed to enter the world of Harry Potter and completely disappear only to turn up a few days later. The early mornings consisted of scary hair and tired eyes but it’s amazing how quickly it becomes the norm and the family routine sets in. Boo decided to chop all of her hair off so now it has gone from her bottom to shoulder length, she was very excited whilst I was having a heart attack in the salon's toilet, but as usual my "Diva Daughter" was spot on and it looks fab!
I am back at work and really enjoying my time there. My brain is starting to tick like it used to and I am enjoying my writing to the extent that I have dabbled with the idea of putting my experiences of the past 18 months into a story. Comedy, of course. I can never be serious for too long J .
Next month I will be moving into another year older which doesn’t necessarily mean more mature. Maybe I take the phrase “stay young at heart” too seriously but I’m not helped by my friends who are just as bad.

Carpe DiemI am going to leave this post with the above phrase. Carpe Diem means “Seize the Day”. If I had known on Monday 27 September 2010 what I found out on Tuesday 29^th September 2010 I would have seized the day so hard the date would need to be removed from our calendars. Going forward with this treatment is one of the occasions that you live for the day. No matter what the future brings, it is a philosophy that I will continue to use and ask others to do so.
Things will be hectic over the next few weeks so I will return afterwards.
Until then, keep smiling, be strong and do not stand undecided at the crossroads….take a chance, you never know it maybe the best thing you have ever done J

New Year, New Look..and Resolutions

Ballet Boo

As you have probably noticed I have glammed up the Blog, "New Year, New Look", if only I could do that to myself as easily lol.

2012 has only been with us just a few days and already the soft gow of tree lights and tinsel has been extinguished and replaced with the sharp glare of reality. People have broken heartfelt New Year's resolutions and are already feeling deflated and fed up.

Before 2010 I found this time of year really depressing with the long days of winter still stretching into the distance but now view this time as the perfect opprtuntiy to sweep aside the incidental things in my life and bin them alongside the turkey bones and party leftovers. Unfortunately there are still people who cannot or will not accept my condition and if I hear "be positive" one more time I am going to implode. Positivity is demostrated in actions over a prolonged period not just smiling inanely and lying about prognosis and treatment. So, rather than fester I am making the rather drastic action of taking my broom and removing them from my everyday life. My chariot cannot take the weight of that sort of baggage. I feel liberated already :0D

The resolutions in my house have ranged from the childen asking for more alone family time to reducing the adult waistlines.... the second is most definitely the harder one of the two. I cannot believe how like a weeble I look! My good intentions are being stretched to the limit with lots of nice food still in the house but with a glam night out with the girls at the end of February I may result in actually sewing my mouth up. Is that the sound of cheering I can hear????

One very important resolution is to continue with this blog. It has helped me and others over the past months, I quite like writing it too.

The Hill festive period was a quiet one though we did seem to be busy at times. Boo was flower girl at the opening night of Romeo and Juliet, we cheered and booed at the Panto, dodged the raindrops with the chariot at the zoo, had several visits to the NEXT sale (the draw of reduced prices and frappachinos were far too strong) and spent time with close family. The two main days were very quiet and thank goodness after the other activities. I now have a few days to recover before I return to work.

On a serious note I have overdone things this year. It has been entirely my fault as my desire to be involved swept away the voice of reason. This means that the past few days I have been glued to the sofa in my PJ's looking like a strawberry and struggling slightly but it is a valuable lesson learnt.

I said in my last post that I have treatments and appointments coming up. Well it appears the oncology treatment may be sooner than anticipated and I have been informed to expect to go in within the fortnight. This is excellent news as it means I can start 2012 with some hope that the addition to my drug regime will help with the reactions and HUVs overall. I do admit to being slightly nervous as they haven't used it on HUVs before but that won't dampen my enthusiasm.....actually maybe ask me on the day ?!?!?!?!

The other good news is that I have found a really good support group called Vasculitis UK. They are really helpful and welcoming.

I am ending with a New Years quote, it is unfortunately very true.....especially after the first week in January :0D

"Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits"

Once again thanking you for taking the time to read my words

Until the next time

Sarah

The picture at the beginning of the post is Boo on her way to the ballet Romeo and Juliet.