Trees, Tears, Tenacity, Trafford Ward and the 2015 Transplant.



It's been a hell of a long since I last posted on the blog.
Tonight I find myself sitting on my hospital bed looking out at the dark shadows from behind my mobile phone's brightly lit screen like a timid night creature.

Tonight is my third one in with two more to go. The time slips by in here where hours and days blur and shade into one. Forget clocks, you separate your day into mealtime segments. So here I am in the middle of the night listening to Ed Sheeran lighting up the corner Bay 3 like a little beacon.
It is exactly 8 sleeps til the man in his red suit appears and delivers all the childrens wishes. Laying here I reflect on my own childhood Christmases. With my eyes closed it is like watching an old reel movie, slightly faded, full of seventies fashion, smiles, family and love. The extended holidays when shops didnt open until 2nd January after closing at midday on Christmas Eve. The enforced break meant all of my memories have at least 15 people round the table. On this ward there will be lonely individuals who will spend Christmas here. These patients, in fact, probably see more people than they've seen for years over the festive period. I know all the staff to make their day as enjoyable as they can. This got me thinking, never good I know. If you know a person who will be on their own why not knock on their door or even leave a note to remind them they're not forgotten.
So what's been going on in our tops turvy world.....gosh so much. Autumn dawdled in, seemed to overstay it's welcome before unconvincingly shuffling off to the sidelines. Winter made itself known with a lacklustre couple of cold days then it too decided to hovver in the wings deciding what to do. During this time Jake and Boo seemed to grow beyond belief. They've exited the "I want to kill you 24/7"stage to the "I want to kill 8/24" stage...because we are facing an uncertain future I let Boo choose the xmas decorations this year....holy moly it is like having TOWIE in my own lounge. We did opt for a real tree this year....it's beautiful and fragran, just drowned in white feathers and glittery birds.

Okay..it's now the day after Boxing Day.....so much has happened since I started this post.
The family and I have been pacing for weeks after the transplant funding request has reached. It went to the fifth panel but they have at long last said yes. It's unbelievable, we are in shock still. The prognosis without the treatment was less than 2 years. We now have a chance which we are grabbing like a pair of Jimmy Choos going for a tenner.
It's the best Christmas present we could have wished for but it left our emotions all.over the shop. You'd think we'd have been grinning from ear to ear but the realisation we have a shot left us spinning. Think of the feeling of losing sight of one of the children, you have the frightened sick feeling then when you find them five minutes later what do you do? Yep, rather than smile in relief you cry, scream and grab all at the same time....we'll it's like that lol.
We found out only 6 days ago so now getting used to it and let's be frank, Xmas was a brilliant distraction. We have the best time ever. From our traditional visit to the local pub on Christmas Eve to.spending the actual day at my Bro's house with all the family. A few times I caught myself idly tapping my wrapped presents whilst drinking in the warmth in the room, all of us crammed into a cottage lounge drowning in shiny paper, occasionally screaming "watch the tree".

We all build up the expectation of having a brilliant festive season but I have to confess this year was really good. After eating to the point of bursting the 'boys slumped on the sofa to watch frozen in 3D...honestly it was pathetic...no staying power!
So we now hurtle towards 2015 at break neck speed. Who knows what it has to offer. 2015 will be what we make it. We know we'll all face days that we just want to hide under the duvet. That's cool, it's just a "life's not fair" day. But for everyone of those days 2015 will give you the perfect day in return.
I hope you have the best ride and get to hold your arms in the air whilst screaming at each bend and corner.
As for us, we'll be a little more sedate. Boo and I will continue to catch the wind, pushing our outstretched hands through the air whilst I drive in the sunshine. Mark and Jake will, no doubt, continue to be Norman Wisdom replicas making us laugh. The girls will benefit from a healthier lifestyle, getting the scooter out with them. I will spend time with my face, eyes closed, up towards the sun or staring at the night stars in wonder. I want to dance in the kitchen with my girls and lie in the grass with Boo shaping clouds. I want to have "date nights" with Mr. Hill and mimick films with Jake. I, in reality, want 2015 and all it brings.
We all know the fight my family face in this coming year but guess what? What will be will be. Why worry about tomorrow today? Carpe Diem!!!
Here's to a brilliant 12 months. Live, love and laugh..
See you in the new year xxx

Footnote: Since writing this just two days ago we have been given the dates for treatment. It is this month.....very quick and no time to hide in the corner and panic. Luckily I have loads of shawls and hats....once again we reach the stomach churning climb on our Roller-coaster. All we can do is hold our breath, close our eyes and wait for the feeling of flying at breakneck speed as we tip over the edge into infinity and beyond.....
Xxxx